Big Wedding vs. Elopement? How to Decide What’s Right for Your Love Story: Beyond the Pinterest Pressure and Family Expectations
There’s a conversation that happens in almost every newly engaged relationship, big wedding vs elopement. One of you pictures a ballroom full of people you love, a big dinner, a packed dance floor, and a night that feels like a movie. The other one quietly wonders if you could just slip away to a cliffside somewhere and make it just the two of you.
And then there’s everyone else’s opinion, your mom, your partner’s parents, your college roommate who already has strong feelings about being in the wedding party. If you’re feeling pulled in three different directions right now, you’re in good company. Choosing between a big wedding vs elopement is one of the first major decisions engaged couples face, and it’s also one of the most loaded.
There’s no shortage of outside noise telling you what your wedding should look like. But here’s what I’ve learned after photographing hundreds of couples across Los Angeles and beyond: the best wedding isn’t the one that looks perfect on Instagram or makes everyone else happy. It’s the one that feels authentically, genuinely you.
Whether you’re dreaming of a celebration with all your favorite humans or an intimate ceremony that’s just about the two of you, all three paths: big weddings, elopements, and micro weddings — are completely valid. This post will help you figure out which one aligns with who you are as a couple, not who everyone else thinks you should be.
What I Actually Mean By “Big Wedding,” “Micro Wedding,” and “Elopement”
Before we dive into the heart of this decision, let’s get clear on what we’re actually talking about. These terms get thrown around a lot, but they mean different things to different people.
Big Weddings
A big wedding typically includes 75+ guests, though many couples go much larger. Think traditional venues, multiple vendors, complex timelines, and celebrations that span several hours or even multiple days. From a photography perspective, big weddings require capturing crowd energy, managing group shots with dozens of people, and finding intimate moments within the beautiful chaos of a large celebration.
Elopements
True elopements are intimate ceremonies with just the couple and maybe a witness or officiant. They’re often in non-traditional locations; mountaintops, beaches, forests, or even your own backyard. The focus is entirely on the two of you and the commitment you’re making. Photographically, elopements allow for incredible creativity, authentic emotion, and the kind of presence that’s harder to achieve with a crowd.
Micro Weddings (What I actually did, see Ben and me above)
Micro weddings are the sweet spot many couples don’t realize exists. They typically include 5-30 guests, your absolute closest people. You get the celebration aspect without the overwhelming logistics of a large wedding. From my perspective as a photographer, micro weddings offer the best of both worlds: intimate moments and genuine celebration energy.
The Real Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Decide
Forget about what looks good on Pinterest or what your families expect. Here are the questions that actually matter when you’re weighing the big wedding vs elopement decision:
What Does a Perfect Wedding Day Feel Like to You Both?
Close your eyes and imagine your ideal wedding day. Are you energized by being surrounded by everyone you love, or does that make you feel overwhelmed? Do you picture yourself laughing with your college friends on the dance floor, or do you see yourselves exchanging vows with just the sound of ocean waves as your soundtrack?
Neither answer is right or wrong, but they’ll point you in very different directions.
How Do You Handle Being the Center of Attention?
Some couples thrive when all eyes are on them. Others feel most comfortable when they can focus entirely on each other. If you’re the type who loves giving toasts and doesn’t mind being watched during your first dance, a larger celebration might energize you. If you prefer quiet, intimate moments, an elopement might feel more authentic.
What Role Does Family and Community Play in Your Relationship?
For some couples, their wedding day isn’t complete without their entire extended family, childhood friends, and chosen family all in one room. For others, the most important people in their lives can be counted on two hands. There’s no right answer here, just what’s true for your specific relationship.
The Big Wedding — Who It’s Really For
Big weddings are perfect for couples who are genuinely excited by the idea of a full celebration experience. If you love hosting dinner parties, if you light up when you’re surrounded by your favorite people, if you want your wedding to feel like the best party you’ve ever thrown — a big wedding might be calling your name.
The energy at large weddings is infectious. There’s something magical about having all your favorite humans in one room, celebrating your love story. The toasts from friends who’ve known you since college, the dance floor packed with three generations of your family, the moment when you look around and realize everyone who matters to you is there, these are the moments that make big weddings special.
But let’s be honest about what you’re signing up for. Large weddings require significant planning, coordination, and usually a substantial budget. The logistics can be overwhelming, and the emotional weight of managing everyone’s expectations (and dietary restrictions, and plus-one requests) is real.
From a photography perspective, big weddings require a different approach. I need to capture the energy of the crowd while still finding those quiet, intimate moments between you two. It’s about documenting the celebration while making sure your love story doesn’t get lost in the beautiful chaos.
The Elopement — Who It’s Really For
Elopements are for couples who want pure presence and intentionality on their wedding day. If the idea of planning a large event feels overwhelming, if you’d rather spend your wedding budget on an incredible honeymoon, or if you simply want your wedding day to be entirely about the two of you, an elopement might be perfect.
Let me debunk a myth right here: elopements are not “less than” traditional weddings. They’re not what you do when you can’t afford a “real” wedding or when you’re trying to avoid your families. Some of the most meaningful, emotional, and beautiful weddings I’ve photographed have been elopements.
The freedom that comes with eloping is incredible. You can get married anywhere that speaks to your hearts, a redwood forest, a mountain peak, a quiet beach at sunrise. You can write your own timeline, include whatever traditions feel meaningful to you, and skip everything that doesn’t.
Photographically, elopements allow for incredible creativity and genuine emotion. Without the pressure of a crowd or a strict timeline, couples often feel more relaxed and authentic. We can chase the perfect light, explore beautiful locations, and focus entirely on capturing the joy and love between you two.
The Middle Ground — Micro Weddings and Intimate Ceremonies
Micro weddings might be the best-kept secret in the wedding world. They offer the celebration aspect of a traditional wedding with the intimacy and flexibility of an elopement.
With a micro wedding, you get to include your absolute favorite people without the complexity of a large event. You can still have the elements that matter to you, a beautiful venue, a photographer who understands your vision, a celebration dinner, without feeling overwhelmed by logistics.
From my perspective as a photographer who specializes in capturing authentic, vibrant moments, micro weddings are incredible. The intimacy creates space for real emotions and genuine interactions. There’s no crowd to disappear into, just your closest people, fully present with you.
Micro weddings also offer more flexibility for non-traditional elements. Want to include your pets in the ceremony? Much easier with 20 people than 200. Want to have a themed celebration that reflects your nerdy interests or your love for all things colorful and quirky? A smaller guest list means more freedom to be authentically yourselves.
How Your Wedding Style Shapes Your Photography Experience
Here’s something that doesn’t get talked about enough: your wedding format and your photography experience are deeply connected, especially when you’re looking for someone who truly understands and celebrates LGBTQ+ love stories.
A large wedding requires a photographer who can manage complex timelines, work efficiently across multiple locations, capture crowd energy, and still find those quiet moments in the middle of a busy day. When you’re working with a photographer who embraces all identities and understands non-traditional love stories, they need to be comfortable navigating family dynamics while ensuring you feel celebrated and supported.
An elopement requires a photographer who is comfortable in nature, adaptable to changing light and location, and genuinely skilled at drawing out authentic emotion when it’s just the three of you somewhere beautiful. It requires patience, presence, and a real ability to make couples feel at ease, especially important when you want vibrant, colorful photos that reflect your true personalities.
A micro wedding sits somewhere in the middle, intimate enough to need that personal touch, structured enough to require solid timeline management, and perfect for capturing those fun, silly, candid moments that make your relationship special.
As someone who photographs weddings and elopements across Los Angeles and beyond, I work across all three formats. What I’ve found is that the couples who are happiest on their wedding day are the ones who chose their format intentionally, not out of obligation, and then built everything else around that decision, including finding a photographer who truly gets them.
Making the Decision That’s Right for You, Big Wedding vs Elopement or a Micro Wedding
If you’re still weighing the big wedding vs elopement decision, here are some practical steps that might help:
Talk honestly with your partner about what you each envision. Don’t worry about being “realistic” yet, just dream out loud about what would make you happiest.
Consider your personalities and energy levels. Are you energized by large groups or do you prefer intimate settings? Do you love being the center of attention or does it make you uncomfortable?
Think about your priorities. Would you rather spend your budget on an incredible photographer and amazing food for 20 people, or on creating a big celebration for everyone you know?
Consider your families and relationships. While you shouldn’t base your decision entirely on other people’s expectations, it’s worth thinking about what role you want your community to play in your celebration and a big wedding vs elopement
There Is No Wrong Answer Here with big wedding vs elopement
The best wedding is not the biggest wedding, or the most photographed wedding, or the wedding that impressed the most people. The best wedding is the one that felt true to who you are as a couple.
Some of the most joyful couples I’ve photographed had 180 people dancing until midnight. Some of the most emotional and beautiful moments I’ve ever witnessed happened with just two people and a mountain view. What they all had in common was that they chose their wedding style intentionally, surrounded themselves with people who celebrated and supported them, and focused on what mattered most to them.
Whether you choose a big wedding, an elopement, or something in between, the most important thing is that it feels authentically you. And when you’re ready to find a photographer who will celebrate your love story, quirky, colorful, non-traditional, and all. I’d love to talk about how we can create something beautiful together.
If you’re still figuring out which direction is right for you, I’m genuinely happy to talk it through. Sometimes, an outside perspective from someone who has photographed all three formats and understands the beauty of every kind of love story can help you see your options more clearly.
